Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Dear Mr. Larry,
With winter coming soon, I've been wondering about the future of bird-human relations. Will we continue to coexist in peace, or will we begin to compete for the warm spot next to the radiator?
Thanks,
Paul from Stanford
With winter coming soon, I've been wondering about the future of bird-human relations. Will we continue to coexist in peace, or will we begin to compete for the warm spot next to the radiator?
Thanks,
Paul from Stanford
Dear Paul from Stanford,
What a interesting question. When there is a conflict between humans and birds, I bite a lot of fingers. I can't stand fingers. I'm not worried about the winter cold. I prefer to keep the thermostat at 69 degrees F. Also, I have some special feathers that help me stay warm just like my own personal down comforter. Thanks for writing!
-Larry Bird
Monday, August 18, 2008
Bird of All Seasons
Larry Bird,
I was wondering if you would like it down here in Florida. Being originally from Australia, would you like the warmer climate? Or have you now adapted to the wintery midwest?Karson S. Putt
Dear Karson S. Putt,
That is a very interesting question. Although I wasn't hatched and raised in Aussieland, my body is suited for a climate that can range from 40 to 90+ degrees F! What a range!
I still have family back in Australia...crazy cousin Ralph.
Being a island for British prisoners, when cockatiels leave Australia, they usually leave in cages. Ha! Anyhow, I think I would be happy in the warmer climate of Florida! But I also like the midwest too.
Until next time,
Larry Bird
I was wondering if you would like it down here in Florida. Being originally from Australia, would you like the warmer climate? Or have you now adapted to the wintery midwest?Karson S. Putt
Dear Karson S. Putt,
That is a very interesting question. Although I wasn't hatched and raised in Aussieland, my body is suited for a climate that can range from 40 to 90+ degrees F! What a range!
I still have family back in Australia...crazy cousin Ralph.
Being a island for British prisoners, when cockatiels leave Australia, they usually leave in cages. Ha! Anyhow, I think I would be happy in the warmer climate of Florida! But I also like the midwest too.
Until next time,
Larry Bird
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
My Birdday Party
Happy Birdday to me. Even world-dominating birds like a Birdday party in style. I turned 10 years old on March 18, but people say I don't look a day older than five. I met up with friends in the mirror for a night on the town. Dinner began with dish of fresh popcorn and Cheerios, followed by Total cereal topped with a few morsels of spray millet. Next we went dancing at a hot new club downtown called The Living Room Piano. As the night progressed, things went a little crazy and I flew into a couch. Yes, the party animal within still lives!
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Larry Bird and Dr. 90210
Dear Mr. Larry Bird,
I'm a medical student on a plastic surgery rotation right now. Have you
ever considered getting plastic surgery? Like, enhancing your wing muscles
or something to impress the Lady Birds? Is there a Mrs. Larry? What does
she think about you getting plastic surgery?
You are a champion, Mr. Larry Bird.
Your Fan,
Todd
Dear future Dr. Todd (90210),
Yes, I am a champion. As for a Mrs. Larry Bird... ask me another day.
Do you ever notice that the big stars don't really enhance anything on themselves, but instead capitalize on unique features they possess? Look at Barbara Streisand, or Lucy Liu, or Jack Nicholson. I've come to the conclusion that natural is better, and fans will 'flock' to my unique features. For example, take a look at my unique yellow face and red cheeks. Compare my profile photo to these other generic cockatiels I lifted off of Google.
Here's Cockatiel #1:
Here's Cockatiel #2:
Here's me. Notice how my shockingly different color combinations make me stand out in a crowd. If I wasn't so fabulous, I might consider surgery to blend in with the other cockatiels. But, like my Hollywood counterparts, I will use my uniqueness to elevate me to stardom.
So, if you've got something different, don't be afraid to show it off!
-Larry Bird
I'm a medical student on a plastic surgery rotation right now. Have you
ever considered getting plastic surgery? Like, enhancing your wing muscles
or something to impress the Lady Birds? Is there a Mrs. Larry? What does
she think about you getting plastic surgery?
You are a champion, Mr. Larry Bird.
Your Fan,
Todd
Dear future Dr. Todd (90210),
Yes, I am a champion. As for a Mrs. Larry Bird... ask me another day.
Do you ever notice that the big stars don't really enhance anything on themselves, but instead capitalize on unique features they possess? Look at Barbara Streisand, or Lucy Liu, or Jack Nicholson. I've come to the conclusion that natural is better, and fans will 'flock' to my unique features. For example, take a look at my unique yellow face and red cheeks. Compare my profile photo to these other generic cockatiels I lifted off of Google.
Here's Cockatiel #1:
Here's Cockatiel #2:
Here's me. Notice how my shockingly different color combinations make me stand out in a crowd. If I wasn't so fabulous, I might consider surgery to blend in with the other cockatiels. But, like my Hollywood counterparts, I will use my uniqueness to elevate me to stardom.
So, if you've got something different, don't be afraid to show it off!
-Larry Bird
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
PhD or no PhD, that is the question
Dear LarryBird,
Should I get my PhD or look for a job?
I am mostly asking for your thoughts in general on academiavs. the workplace. You seem pretty experienced in world domination so I was wondering about your training, and what you think about the ivory tower, if it's worth sticking around for 3 or 4 more years to add some letters to the end of my name. thanks!
Aimee
Dear Aimee,
Finally! A question about life that I can answer! This is a difficult question that many graduate students grapple with, and in the end you'll have to answer with what you feel would be best. To facilitate your soul-searching/decision-making, I made a flow-chart for you. Good luck!
-Larry Bird
Should I get my PhD or look for a job?
I am mostly asking for your thoughts in general on academiavs. the workplace. You seem pretty experienced in world domination so I was wondering about your training, and what you think about the ivory tower, if it's worth sticking around for 3 or 4 more years to add some letters to the end of my name. thanks!
Aimee
Dear Aimee,
Finally! A question about life that I can answer! This is a difficult question that many graduate students grapple with, and in the end you'll have to answer with what you feel would be best. To facilitate your soul-searching/decision-making, I made a flow-chart for you. Good luck!
-Larry Bird
Email from Totally Random (TR)
Dear Larry,
One time I saw a bird on the shoulder of a pirate. What's up with that?!?
Sincerely,
TR (Totally Random)
P.S. The pirate was riding a surf board.
Dear Totally Random,
One time I got a weird email asking me about a pirate bird. What's up with that?!?
Gimme a break. I'm here to answer your questions about your life, not some pirate's!
-Larry Bird
One time I saw a bird on the shoulder of a pirate. What's up with that?!?
Sincerely,
TR (Totally Random)
P.S. The pirate was riding a surf board.
Dear Totally Random,
One time I got a weird email asking me about a pirate bird. What's up with that?!?
Gimme a break. I'm here to answer your questions about your life, not some pirate's!
-Larry Bird
Monday, January 21, 2008
What two ice cubes will pay for...
Paul,
You were smart to pay the ransom and get your ice cubes and plate back. I used the cash to buy some bling for my cage like this disco ball. John Travolta, eat your heart out.
-Larry Bird
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Ice Cubes
Dear Larrybird,
Before Christmas break I put two ice cubes on a plate in my freezer.That way, I could tell when I came back if there had been a poweroutage that let the freezer warm up. But when I got back to school,the plate and the ice cubes were gone! Does that mean that my freezergot warm, or not?
Thanks,
Paul
Stanford, CA
Paul,
I'm holding your plate and ice cubes hostage. It will cost you millions if you ever want to see them again. I want to see the dough in one hour or they will suffer long and painful heat torture.
Larry Bird
Before Christmas break I put two ice cubes on a plate in my freezer.That way, I could tell when I came back if there had been a poweroutage that let the freezer warm up. But when I got back to school,the plate and the ice cubes were gone! Does that mean that my freezergot warm, or not?
Thanks,
Paul
Stanford, CA
Paul,
I'm holding your plate and ice cubes hostage. It will cost you millions if you ever want to see them again. I want to see the dough in one hour or they will suffer long and painful heat torture.
Larry Bird
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Question from "A Fan"
Dear Larry Bird,
Where do you put the emphasis in your name? Is it Larry /Bird/ or/Larry/ Bird (the former sounding like the basketball star and the latter sounding like, well, Charlie-Bird)?
thanks,
A Fan
PS Can you let us in on some of your world-domination plans?
Dear A Fan (Is it A /Fan or A/ Fan, or just Fan?),
Congratulations. Your question will be the first one I answer on my blog. I found your letter quite amusing. Since I am the basketball star Larry Bird, the emphasis in my name is like that of the basketball star. Although I haven't played pro in years, I love to reminisce on the glory days with Magic. Coincidentally, there is a Larry Bird that is president of the Pacers who's named after me.
As for world domination, I cannot reveal much. However, considering the supplies I have on hand are a bell, some beads, a fish bone, and feathers, I cannot confirm nor deny that I will approach the situation in a MacGyver/Chuck Norris-style. Muahaha.
-Larry Bird
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